When a person close to you did something that has hurt your feelings, too often you find yourselves unable to trust him again, especially in the case of man-woman relationships. Somehow, we feel betrayed and although the other person has been repentant and seeking for your forgiveness, you often find it hard to forgive because you feel that you could never trust him again.

Too often, the years of your togetherness has been forgotten. You forget the good times that you shared, you forget the many sacrifices the person has done for you, even the good deeds he has done in your favor. The warmth, even the love, magically seemed to fade into oblivion.

Release Yourself from the Bondage of Negative Emotions

When a significant other hurt you— he lied to you, two-timed you, became insensitive to your feelings and needs — you often harbor negative feelings towards him.

When we trusted a person and he betrayed that trust, you find it hard to get over the hurt and for a long time wallowed in negative emotions.

But harboring hate for a long time would eventually take its toll on you. It could warp your rational thought. And long-term hatred wouldn’t be good for your emotional well-being as a whole. Why? Because that hate could manifest itself into actions that would eventually harm not only the person who is the object of the emotion but yourselves as a whole.

Even scientific studies state that negative emotions often resulted to diseases. Why? Because when you hate, you use a lot of our energies. You wallow in depression and your outlook becomes dim.

For your own sake, learn to forgive him. May he be repentant or not. Because nursing the “negative emotions” for too long would not only debilitate your growth as loving individuals, it would also affect your other relationships. You would find it hard to trust other people again and eventually would rob yourselves of the chance to start again or rebuild your relationships.

When you forgive those persons who did you wrong, you are in effect also accepting your own humanity. You, in your own judgmental ways are imperfect.

Forgiving and Forgetting

When you try to forgive a person, forgive him without any encumbrances. Meaning, you have to bury the sin committed to you and the hate you feel towards the other person.

Start anew. Do not let past mistakes be brought up in your relationship. And most of all do not use your forgiveness as leverage against the other person.

For example, your boyfriend has two-timed you. You never found out about it but he comes clean after he broke up with the other girl. His admission has hurt you but you forgive him anyway because you feel you love the guy. But your relationship has never been the same to you at least. You are always wary when he spends too much time in the office or when he says he is going out with his men-friends. Worse, when you argue about something, you always brought up his past transgression, making him feel guilty all over again.

A person cannot always pay for his past crimes to you. It could wear him out and would strain your relationship.

In the end, because you are unable to forget the whole thing, the relationship will crumble.

That is why we need to forgive and forget. We have to start again. Rebuild and recreate the relationship to make it more lasting.

Love as the Source of Forgiveness

You cannot truly forgive a person because you haven’t loved — the pure and unadulterated kind —that is.

It is only because you love wholly that you can forgive wholly. If you cannot forgive a mistake or sin against you, then you don’t love. Because in loving someone, you need essentially to accept the other person — all of him.

When you love someone, you just don’t love the good things about him but everything about him —his weaknesses and faults notwithstanding.

1. Limit the phone calls. When he, calls, don’t encourage him to talk long. Tell him that you are too busy to indulge in idle talk. If he wants to say something which may be important to him, listen politely but do not ask him for details. That way he knows that you are only trying to be polite.

Use monosyllabic answers when he starts talking. And if he has nothing else to say that is quite interesting to you tell him that you want to do something else. Then say your goodbye and hang up.

2. Never be left alone with hint. When he comes to visit you at home, be sure that your parents are there. Make your parents’ favorite reading matters available and within arms’ reach. That way they shall be encouraged to stay with you when your suitor comes.

Entertain your parents first. If they do not feel like reading, turn on the TV set and watch their favorite program with them. Or else, talk with them and tell them all about your day and ask them all about theirs. By this you will surely make your suitor feel taken for granted that he will ask for an excuse to leave. Graciously show him the way out.

3. Projection of the strict image. Ask your father beforehand to ask him questions the way an investigator or detective does. Clue your father what to ask: educational attainment, family background, economic status, link to high society, and that sort of thing.

That way he gets the impression that your father is very strict and is concerned deeply with your welfare. Tell your father to project a “you’re-not-one-of-us-attitude”.

4. Never go out alone with him. If in case you go out dating with this suitor, never go out alone. This guy who seems angelic at first could be a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

5. Show him you’re “biased.” During your dates or regular strolls with friends, point out to him things you’d like to acquire, telling him: “buy us this” or “buy us that.” Whether he buys them for you and your friends or not, it does not really matter. Enough that you’ve shown him you are “biased.”

6. Make him feel left out. Whenever you attend parties with this persistent suitor, make him feel left out. Go to your girl friends and chat with them for hours. When you glance at his – direction and you notice him frowning, go to him and tell him that you are with your friends. Ask him to get drinks for you. When he does, try very hard not to return to your seat. That way he will have to finish the drinks all by himself. When the host sees him do so, it could be quite humiliating for him.

7. Attend to your male friends. When you see your male friends at the party, see to it that you can keep a long conversation. When your persistent suitor sees you having a grand time with them perhaps he will get the message.

In attending to the other guys, however, try not to be a bore. You might monopolize the conversation and it is very embarrassing for you if they start to leave you one by one. Just see to it that you can participate in their conversation so that your suitor will see you enjoying their company.

8. The ultimate way: behave like a tomboy. If after such an incident at the party, he still will come and visit you, put on a boyish act. Behave like a tomboy.

If you can, ask a girl friend to be your date and go out with regularity. When your suitor sees you dating a girl, it will definitely turn him off.

She earns more than you. The imbalance of domestic economics often leads to serious communication mishaps. In some instances, it puts a heavy strain to the relationship that it is forced to eventually break down. Since the responsibility of keeping a livelihood always falls on the lap of men, society dictates that they should never let up in carrying the financial burden of their respective families. Because the moment they slow down and get overtaken by their partners salary-wise, they become a fair game for ridicule. People will mock you as a slouch. They will brand you as a useless piece of manlike creation.

Yet, such scenario in these modern days is not supernatural in nature. More opportunities are being accorded to women in the workplace. In fact, because of their flexibility in handling various tasks, women even earn influential positions and juicy paychecks. Having a wife or a girlfriend who brings home more dough, therefore, shouldn’t be a dilemma to you. Forget about insecurity and be proud of her accomplishment. If you know how to share wealth equally, her success should also be your success. If you think of realizing your future goals expeditiously, every little thing that she can chip in will matter. Who bankrolls more shouldn’t be a point to dispute with as long as you know who calls the shots during critical situations.

So what if she earns six to seven figures per month while you settle for a paltry salary. So what if you get relegated to the backseat as she hogs the spotlight. What counts most is that you’re both doing your part in having decent jobs and that you mutually support each other.

Think of J. Lo, who commands a whopping $9 million per film. She never considered her stature and her money as hindrances in marrying former husband Chriss Judd, a choreographer. Chris, on his part, didn’t allow his partner’s larger-than-life image to intimidate her. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, they didn’t last. Another relationship that has gone through the odds is that of Julia Roberts and Danny Moder. The actress receives $20 million per flick while her cameraman husband is way beyond her income bracket. Income though is inconsequential to both of them. Right now, they’re living contentedly as they expect the coming of their first-born.

She is more intellectually gifted than you. She loves to read books; you love to play sports. She’s a bit nerdy; you’re learning towards the athletic side. She engages in intellectual pursuits; you go for the more physically demanding activities. Yours is a mismatched way of doing things. More likely than not, you’ll be getting the flak for not measuring up to her mental standard. The toughest part here is asserting your presence. After all, you need intelligence to get to where you want to be professionally. If your woman is brainier, chances are she’ll most likely go farther in her career. But do not be dismayed. For you can prove your value without having to compete or go evenhanded with her brilliance. You can be successful in doing the thing that you do best. Start by believing in yourself. If you’re a basketball player, for example, you can try your hand in gaining a stint in the play-for-pay league. Using your brawn and athleticism, you can attain the same degree of success as your corporate achieving partner.