He hurt me and I hate him!” Such an empathic utterance when your partner has done you wrong.

When a person close to you did something that has hurt your feelings, too often you find yourselves unable to trust him again, especially in the case of man-woman relationships. Somehow, we feel betrayed and although the other person has been repentant and seeking for your forgiveness, you often find it hard to forgive because you feel that you could never trust him again.

Too often, the years of your togetherness has been forgotten. You forget the good times that you shared, you forget the many sacrifices the person has done for you, even the good deeds he has done in your favor. The warmth, even the love, magically seemed to fade into oblivion.

Release Yourself from the Bondage of Negative Emotions

When a significant other hurt you— he lied to you, two-timed you, became insensitive to your feelings and needs — you often harbor negative feelings towards him.

When we trusted a person and he betrayed that trust, you find it hard to get over the hurt and for a long time wallowed in negative emotions.

But harboring hate for a long time would eventually take its toll on you. It could warp your rational thought. And long-term hatred wouldn’t be good for your emotional well-being as a whole. Why? Because that hate could manifest itself into actions that would eventually harm not only the person who is the object of the emotion but yourselves as a whole.

Even scientific studies state that negative emotions often resulted to diseases. Why? Because when you hate, you use a lot of our energies. You wallow in depression and your outlook becomes dim.

For your own sake, learn to forgive him. May he be repentant or not. Because nursing the “negative emotions” for too long would not only debilitate your growth as loving individuals, it would also affect your other relationships. You would find it hard to trust other people again and eventually would rob yourselves of the chance to start again or rebuild your relationships.

When you forgive those persons who did you wrong, you are in effect also accepting your own humanity. You, in your own judgmental ways are imperfect.

Forgiving and Forgetting

When you try to forgive a person, forgive him without any encumbrances. Meaning, you have to bury the sin committed to you and the hate you feel towards the other person.

Start anew. Do not let past mistakes be brought up in your relationship. And most of all do not use your forgiveness as leverage against the other person.

For example, your boyfriend has two-timed you. You never found out about it but he comes clean after he broke up with the other girl. His admission has hurt you but you forgive him anyway because you feel you love the guy. But your relationship has never been the same to you at least. You are always wary when he spends too much time in the office or when he says he is going out with his men-friends. Worse, when you argue about something, you always brought up his past transgression, making him feel guilty all over again.

A person cannot always pay for his past crimes to you. It could wear him out and would strain your relationship.

In the end, because you are unable to forget the whole thing, the relationship will crumble.

That is why we need to forgive and forget. We have to start again. Rebuild and recreate the relationship to make it more lasting.

Love as the Source of Forgiveness

You cannot truly forgive a person because you haven’t loved — the pure and unadulterated kind —that is.

It is only because you love wholly that you can forgive wholly. If you cannot forgive a mistake or sin against you, then you don’t love. Because in loving someone, you need essentially to accept the other person — all of him.

When you love someone, you just don’t love the good things about him but everything about him —his weaknesses and faults notwithstanding.