Close friendships between women can, in their way, be just as passionate and all-consuming as a marriage, and evoke equally intense emotions such as jealousy, rage, anger, love and hate.

Just as in a marriage, there are critical milestones. The five major stress-points are:

• Change of circumstances: one of you gets divorced, remarries or has a baby.
• You grow apart from each other: one of you moves house to a different area, becomes more involved in her career or takes up new interests.
• The relationship becomes unbalanced: this happens when one of you is in need of more support than the other can give, or is prepared to give.
• Conflict over partners: one of you doesn’t like the man in the other one’s life.
• New friends: jealousy and misunderstandings arise if one of you becomes attached to a new set of people or starts seeing someone special.

Now, here are the ways on how to be honest tactfully with your best friend:

• Choose the right time, when she’s in a positive frame of mind.
• Choose the right place, with some privacy.
• Avoid alcohol. You’re likely to say the wrong thing in the wrong way after a few drinks, and she’s more likely to overreact.
• Prepare what you want to say beforehand – and be specific about what you’re recommending.
• Be prepared to back up your views and offer support or even practical suggestions.
• Admit you are worried that she will get angry with you for trying to be honest and have been agonizing about exactly how to tell her.
• Choose your words carefully and try to focus on your feelings. There’s a big difference between saying: ‘You always let me down’ and ‘I sometimes feel let down.’
• If it is an aspect of your friend’s behavior that’s making you unhappy, be careful to criticize the behavior, not the person – for example: ‘I feel really hurt when you flirt with my boyfriend’ is far better than ‘I really hate you when you flirt with him.’
• Don’t make accusations or bring up past grievances.
• Be prepared to acknowledge that you may have faults too, and be willing to listen to criticism.
• Be prepared for strong emotions. She may not wish to discuss the problem with you. She may want time on her own before she responds.
• Follow up your meeting with a gesture of support – phone call, a bunch of flowers, a card.
• Ideally, don’t wait until resentments build up. Give each other the chance to air grievances regularly or make suggestions for changes and improvements.